Saturday, August 21, 2010


I was cleaning when came across my old photo album. Stopped by to observe once again the life i used to live. Among the pictures of me and my girls smiling I found the portrait made by Nastya and the poem. He wrote it for me 4 years ago just before I left Altay.
First love (?) and first disappointed. How does it work that once a person is everything for you, and then suddenly you feel annoyed to hear his voice? Is it because you change all the time, so does the other person, and at some point you simply look at different sides of the world? 

"I'm afraid that the Big City and people who will surround you will ruin your now. The power of mind must be firmer than power of desires and passions."

The portrait. They say it's ugly. But the only reason why I keep it is that it's my own Dorian Gray picture.

Last time we talked in person i was sad, and dinosaurs were making nests. It's a nightmare for real.  
He gave up. So did I.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Demands Demand.

 "Don't seek, don't search, don't ask, don't knock, don't demand - relax. If you relax, it comes. If you relax, it is there. If you relax, you start vibrating with it."     

I'm a good case for a psychiatrist.

She always told me that I should be perfect.
Perfect: the looks, the character, the mind. All together. It's a circle, you know. Endless circle.

And there was only one thing worse than being not perfect: being average. It was better to be deep down than stay in the crowd in the middle.

How do I feel now knowing that I'm not perfect? Disappointed. Disappointed in Life.
People disappoint me. They don't stand my demands. I disappoint myself.

Brain: switch off mode.